ANSWER FELLA: Butt Sinks, Ballet, Micturition & @&?!#ing

Esquire's Answer Fella believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a guess that sounds right.

What's a bidet, and why don't we do that in America?

Are you sitting down? Good. Here goes: The bidet (bih- day , French for "little horse") is an ass washer. A butt sink. The classic bidet—this device has been evolving for three centuries now—is a bowl-shaped porcelain fixture with running water, straddled by the "rider" in order to bathe the crotch after using the toilet.

AF frequently lambastes the French—he remembers Dreyfus and Vichy; also, he has driven Le Car—but he cannot fathom why we hygiene-obsessed Americans think a swipe with a wad of Quilted Northern is the end-all of postdefecatory cleaning. Do we merely wipe our cars? Our dinner plates? Our teeth?

Dave Praeger, editor of poopreport.com, has a theory. " Bidet sounds too much like ballet ," he tells AF. "I really believe that's the reason. Men are just too scared to try ... // 75% Remaining